SCENES FROM "THE VAMPIRE ARMAND: MIND YOUR MANORS"

[samlicker81]

SCENES FROM
"THE VAMPIRE ARMAND: MIND YOUR MANORS"

WRITTEN BY BECKY ROSEN

INT. SALTBURNT MANOR - GOLD LOUNGE - AFTERNOON - DAY 1

Armand, looking elegant and breezy, approaches Shanks at the bar - a likely place for him to be. Armand orders the same drink as Shanks. A show of solidarity. Makes a silent toast with his glass, whether or not Shanks reciprocates.

ARMAND

It seems our interests are aligned once more.

(beat)

Unless you're content with Lord Set's placement.

Armand sips from his glass. Stares expectantly at Shanks over the rim. A challenge, almost.

ARMAND

We have - pardon the cliche - a golden opportunity here. A duty, even, to improve his standing. Wouldn't you agree?

(beat)

For richer or poorer, after all.

(grinning)

It's bad luck to break such a vow.

(shrugging)

Trust me or not. We both want the same thing, yes? Deny it if it makes you feel better, but -

Downing the rest of his drink, Armand taps Shanks' chest, right above his heart.

ARMAND

Right here. You're just as empty as I am apart from him. I needn't have shared your bed to know that.

INT. SALTBURNT MANOR - ARMAND'S SUITE - EVENING - DAY 2

Feeding time. On his phone, Armand taps out a request to Set for "room service." Vampire dinner requires a delicate hand. Or wrist. Or neck.

While he waits: lounging on a chaise longue, limber and lean and completely naked. Picture perfect, like a painting. In one hand, a book: WUTHERING HEIGHTS. His eyes flicker across the page, enrapt and faintly amused.

ARMAND

(muttering to himself)

Heathcliff, you incorrigible bastard.

At the door, a knock.

ARMAND

(without looking up)

Entrez vous!

Set enters. Armand sits up. Sets the book down. Glances at the doorway. Becky, who doesn't exactly know what she's gotten herself into, stands there, waving awkwardly.

So what if she writes herself into the script? Get over yourself!

ARMAND

(to Set)

Shame it isn't your husband. But the girl will do.

(beat)

I've prepared myself for you as well, my lord Sutekh. May it please you - and the House.

He waves to a luxurious, elegant, plush piece of furniture across from him.

ARMAND

Please, sit. Rest.

(gesturing to Becky)

Come, child. Have you ever been dinner and a show before?

Becky crosses the room. Nervous, but excited.

BECKY

You mean "to"? I thought I was only here to watch.

ARMAND

(slyly)

No.

BECKY

(realizing)

Oh. OHHH.

(beat)

You're not going to actually eat me, are you? I'm close, personal friends with Dean Winchester, you know. He'll gank your ass back to Purgatory if you try!

ARMAND

Nothing so dramatic. You can call off your Winchester attack dog.

CUT TO:

Becky joining Armand on the chaise longue -

Armand brushing her hair from her shoulder. Baring her neck - baring his fangs - biting -

Becky gasps - melts into the embrace.

FADE TO:

Armand, setting Becky delicately on the chaise longue. Turning to face Set. Kneeling before him.

ARMAND

Only you can satisfy my lust.

(beat)

Do you think of him? When you fuck me? You should. I want you to.

INT. SALTBURNT MANOR - GUEST DINING ROOM - MORNING - DAY 3

After breakfast - which is not self-serve, but rather generously portioned (no substitutions or seconds) - Armand pulls Shanks to the side.

ARMAND

Set came to me last night.

(beat)

He wanted it to be you. To remind him he still has power over someone. Pity.

Before Shanks can respond, Armand turns to leave.

ARMAND

(coyly, over his shoulder)

Have a nice day, Shanks.

INT. SALTBURNT MANOR - TENT ROOM - AFTERNOON - DAY 4

Sunlight streams through gauzy curtains. Lush pillows and rugs fill the space. A view of the desert stretches to the horizon. Armand drapes himself over Set's body, covered only with a thin robe.

ARMAND

This is where you hid him away. During the first game.

(beat)

You could stay here. A throne room of your own making, a place of worship. No one would have to know.

(indignantly)

What has Shanks proposed to see you released from the endless toil of Bronze? Your husband does nothing, when he should claim you with every second he has to spare.

Except Armand knows that certain obstacles keeping Shanks from doing just that were not, in fact, manufactured by the House. Naughty boy.

ARMAND

I will see to your rise. I swear it in your name - and may you strike me down should I fail.

INT. SALTBURNT MANOR - WEST WING HALLWAY - MORNING - DAY 5

Armand catches Shanks leaving his suite. Pointedly matches Shanks' stride - who is clearly not pleased to see him.

ARMAND

Trouble in paradise, Captain?

(beat)

You know, he took me to "your" spot. Beautiful view.

Which spot he doesn't specify. Lets Shanks assume.

ARMAND

It must be hard, knowing he resents you for your status. I know my place, cheveux roux. He isn't Bronze with me.

INT. SALTBURNT MANOR - BALLROOM - AFTERNOON - DAY 6

Preparations are underway for a wedding - a real one, this time. The theme: Midsummer Romance. Time to bring the magical fairy forest inside! Braving the cold weather is for plebians. And all that snow will ruin the aesthetic!

Greenery and flowers and twinkling fairy lights have transformed the ballroom completely under Armand's direction and watchful eye. But the most important decoration is none other than the centerpieces.

Live centerpieces.

One such centerpiece is Koby, dressed only in pink chiffon and ribbon. To complete the Cupid fairy look: a flower crown, glittery wings, and a hand-carved heart-shaped bow and arrow. He strikes a pose on a marble pillar jutting up from the center of a round table.

Armand studies him for a moment. Decides it isn't working.

ARMAND

No, no, no. You're still giving me Koby - I need you to give me Cupid. You have the power to make anyone fall in love. You are love. Embody it.

(waving a hand)

Again.

Koby strikes another pose. Armand considers.

ARMAND

Better ... but not quite.

In his periphery, Armand spots a particularly large red flower. Has a lightbulb moment. Leaves Koby standing. Returns holding the flower in front of his face.

ARMAND

Imagine your pirate paramour. I hear he's on the outs with his wife. Relegated to the Gold Doghouse. He requests you for comfort. To remind him he's still loved. Now, pour that love out for me. Become that love. You aren't just a pretty face tonight, Koby. You are a symbol - that love is still out there. That it might be in this very room.

Koby poses, taking Armand's direction to heart. Third time's a charm.

Armand slowly pulls the flower away. Sets it delicately on the table. A smile creeps onto his face - and he claps.

ARMAND

There he is. Perfect.

INT. SALTBURNT MANOR - ARMAND'S SUITE - MORNING - DAY 7

A brief reprieve from Set's earlier duties. An intimate moment when Bronze becomes Gold and Gold becomes Bronze. Here, Set is always a god to be worshipped.

Armand sits on the floor beside the chaise longue, where Set is stretched lithe and long, a hand in Armand's hair. Armand stares up at Set imploringly. Docile, like a dog.

ARMAND

(matter-of-factly)

Something weighs on your mind.

(beat)

Did he tell you he and I shared a bed? He sought me for comfort in the wake of your death and I let him use me as you would. He was rough but not cruel. Driven by grief. Desperate to feel. Anger bleeding into passion.

Resting his cheek on Set's thigh. Looking at the god with those giant brown doe eyes. He's never done anything wrong ever in his life.

ARMAND

(sympathetically, feigned)

When was the last time he left you feeling so full? Does he call for you, as I do?

(beat)

He is a pirate, of course. I can only hope all that Gold hasn't gone to his head.